November 2008
1 post
Seriously?
What’s with the right wing conspiracy that apparently overcomes every conductor that my monthly pass is fake?
October 2008
1 post
I took a risk sitting in a four-seater, and I almost lost. Some May- December couple sat to my left and in front of me, petting each other’s knees. Kind of awkward when all four people’s knees are touching to begin with. Also, this girl who moved, who then saved me from the insanity, was chatting on her phone. No sound coming from her mouth, but her mouth was over annuniciating every...
September 2008
15 posts
Hmm.
No one is on this train, yet the dude who just got on felt the need to sit next to the only other passenger on here. …Secret lovers!
Rain ruins commutes
Trains messed up this morning, one this afternoon was 57 minutes late and now some crazy old man with a cane is wandering the car complaining for go apparent reason. Awesome.
I wish I could record the audio of the dude next to me snoring. It is the most god awful sound ever created by man.
A boring commute
Riding on public transportation, you’re bound to interact with a bunch of interesting people. And by interesting, I mean slightly unnerving. I’ve seen a lot of weird stuff, including some old dude’s balls, thanks to a pair of inappropriate jogging shorts. I used to ride a train with a guy who I could not sit behind because I’d (no lie) get seasick. He was this huge bald guy...
"Old people are dumb" day
If you’ve never taken the LIRR, perhaps you’re not aware of the exiting habit of its passengers: Stand up in the vestibule, and then flood into the aisles no more than one stop previous to your exit.
On the way into the city, I think this unspoken practice makes sense. You want to beat the crowd up the stairs to get the hell to work. But on the way home, who are you trying to compete...
1. I don’t understand why popcorn is a “train food.”
2. I don’t get why people feel the need to take over conductor duties and touch things like door locks to better signify to their fellow passengers that they’re a “train veteran.”
3. Don’t understand why people choose to sit in those six seaters when they KNOW they will just be on top of the...
Are you new?!
A guy that I saw all the way back at Jamaica appears next to me on the subway platform. He gets there 10 minutes after I do, so either he’s the slowest walker of all time or I don’t know what, because he’s well over six feet tall, and can make bigger strides than most, so what the hell?
Then, he looks up at the sign, and walks down the stairs to head downtown. Then, he walks...
Platform Spitter
I just watched some dude in a three piece suit miss and spit on his shoes.
Dumb Account Exec
Watching some guy do a power point presentation for a big client. He’s probably violating some kind of NDA, I’m sure.
Euro-trash guy gets on at Forest Hills. He’s sweating profusesly like he just ran a marathon (in his pointy shoes) and has a credit card in his hand. Looks like he narrowly missed the train and just got a ticket before it pulled away from the platform. Or, not so much.
Conductor asks for a ticket. He doesn’t have one. Conductor asks for cash. He has none. Conductor screams at him,...
DB conductors
There’s this douche of a conductor who works my line. He has a history of making sarcastic (but not in an enjoyable, funny way) announcements over the PA, shouts the name of the stop in a sing-song obnoxious tone, and makes equally dumb snide comments to passengers. I once heard someone ask where the restroom was, and he responded with, “13 feet in front of you” or something he...
"Employee"
There’s an old man who gets on at my stop every now and again who wears a neon vest that reads “Temporary” something something. I’m too tired to mental note it. Anyway, I think he’s supposed to gather statistical data on the train and the passengers. In actuality, I think he stole a the vest so he can ride for free. He also just grabbed his own ass a minute ago when...
A Promise
I thought I’d be totally badass starting a blog all about my contempt-filled relationship with the LIRR, and just found out that someone else beat me to it, years ago. However, I, unlike them, am not a creepy voyer.
Homeslice takes the same line (thanks, context clues!), which also means he or she is not allowed to complain half as much as I am, mostly because this line is peaches and cream...